| Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 1148358 views | Boston |
What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?
A Volts Wagon. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 01:48 - Jan 6 with 2703 views | Boston |
Polish mate of mines a roadie for a rock band.
I have a Czech one too
Czech one too, Czech one too. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 17:55 - Jan 6 with 2485 views | loftboy |
Brian had been in Police work for 35 years.
Finally sick of the stress, he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in the hills in Tasmania as far from humanity as possible.
He sees the postman couple times a week and gets groceries once a fortnight, Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.
After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there.
'Name's Cliff, your neighbour from ten miles up the road. Having a party Friday night. Thought you might like to come at about 5:00...'
‘Great', says Tom, 'after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks Thank you.'
As Cliff is leaving, he stops. 'Gotta warn you, be some drinking'.'
‘Not a problem' says Tom. 'After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of 'em'.
Again, the big man starts to leave and stops.
'More 'n' likely gonna be some fighting' too.'
‘Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right! .
I'll be there. Thanks again.'
‘More'n likely be some wild sex, too,'
‘Now that's really not a problem' says Tom, warming to the idea. 'I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there.. By the way, what should I wear?'
‘Don't much matter. Just gonna be the two of us'..... 😉 |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 00:22 - Jan 9 with 2279 views | Boston |
There's no denying that women eventually turn into good drivers.
So, if you're a good driver, keep an eye out for turning women. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 21:31 - Jan 12 with 1976 views | Dorse |
My wife said I was average in bed.
I thought that's just mean. |  |
| 'What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!' |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 01:56 - Jan 13 with 1854 views | Boston |
| Corny Joke Warning on 21:31 - Jan 12 by Dorse |
My wife said I was average in bed.
I thought that's just mean. |
I'm not going to lie
My bed is broken. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 19:49 - Jan 14 with 1665 views | hantssi |
I ended up with an older woman at a club last night.
She looked OK for a 61 year-old.
In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she probably had a really hot daughter.
We drank a bit, and had a bit of a snuggle, and then she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double..?
'What's that..?' I asked.
'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.
I said, 'No,' - really excitedly.
We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was 'My Lucky Night',.
So I went back to her place.
She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: 'Mum, you still awake"..? | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 20:42 - Jan 14 with 1610 views | izlingtonhoop |
| Corny Joke Warning on 21:31 - Jan 12 by Dorse |
My wife said I was average in bed.
I thought that's just mean. |
We are the modes! |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 15:50 - Jan 15 with 1486 views | Lblock |
I need to give a huge shout out and thanks to my neighbour who came to the rescue in this constant bloody rain and allowed me to borrow her big blue sheet of plastic covering.
So...
Ta Pauline!!! |  |
| Cherish and enjoy life.... this ain't no dress rehearsal |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 16:56 - Jan 15 with 1433 views | Boston |
My mate got nicked for running a lamp stealing ring.
Fortunately, he got a light sentence. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 16:56 - Jan 15 with 1433 views | loftboy |
What do you call an Alligator in a sleeveless top?
An in-vest-igator | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 18:41 - Jan 18 with 1164 views | Boston |
Copper stops a bloke for careless driving.
Notices from the pic on the license that he's not wearing his glasses.
Look sir, I'm afraid I'm going to have to write you up for that.
But officer, I have contacts.
Don't care who you know squire; you're still getting a ticket. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 13:50 - Jan 23 with 863 views | Lblock |
| Corny Joke Warning on 18:41 - Jan 18 by Boston |
Copper stops a bloke for careless driving.
Notices from the pic on the license that he's not wearing his glasses.
Look sir, I'm afraid I'm going to have to write you up for that.
But officer, I have contacts.
Don't care who you know squire; you're still getting a ticket. |
Reminds me of this weird dream I have.....
I'm in my car constantly going round a roundabout holding the steering wheel with my right hand, in my left hand I have a frying pan and I'm making pancakes.
Spend the whole night tossing and turning... | |
| Cherish and enjoy life.... this ain't no dress rehearsal |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 07:19 - Jan 24 with 739 views | Lblock |
In a show of support to the locals in Golders Green a positive message has been put on an airship and hovers above the synagogue there.
Personally, I think it’s well over Jew | |
| Cherish and enjoy life.... this ain't no dress rehearsal |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 23:48 - Jan 30 with 399 views | Ghostofleewallace |
The year was 2021, the world in lockdown....
....Jesus looked across the table to God and asked "Where have you been over the last year or so, God?"
God replied "I've been down Loftus Road"
Jesus, with a shocked look said "So there has been a worldwide pandemic going on for the last vear or so and you've been at Loftus Road the whole time? What have you been doing there?"
God leaned across the table and whispered....
..... "Working from home, Son". | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 18:46 - Jan 31 with 251 views | johann28 |
So, a bird tries flying out of the country in search of some warmer weather down South.
Unfortunately, he freezes mid-flight, and falls to the ground like a stone into the middle of a field. Shortly after, his agony is compounded when a cow shits on him.
However, this is his lucky day as it turns out, because the shit is so warm that it thaws him out. He's so happy at this sudden turn of events that he pokes his head out and begins to sing.
Unfortunately, there's this cat not too far away, and he hears the bird singing. He creeps up on the bird, pounces, digs him out, and eats him.
There's three morals to this tale
1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
2) Not everyone who rescues you when you've been shat on is your friend
3) If you find yourself in the shit, shut the fk up |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 20:46 - Feb 1 with 44 views | Lblock |
Fell asleep at a party last night and some bastard put a teabag in my mouth.
I went kin mental...
Nobody treats me like a mug! | |
| Cherish and enjoy life.... this ain't no dress rehearsal |
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