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Looking in the mirror this morning, I noticed for the first time that my eyebrows were starting to go a bit 'Dennis Healey'. I had to take my razor to them to have a tidy-up. More alarming was the hair that was starting to emerge from my ears. I'm now 47 and seem to be making the transformation (gradual, I hope) to old git. I was reminded about Billy Connolly's comments about his pubes going grey and remarking that his todger looked a bit like Stewart Grainger from a certain angle.
I suppose that there comes a time when one simply can't be arsed about appearance, but I imagine I'm a few years shy of that right now.
Can anyone here offer me any consolation and (more to the point) - those who have experienced such follicular manifestations, what other horrors do I have to look forward to?
"Thank you for supporting Queens Park Rangers Steep Staircase"... and I thought I'd signed up for a rollercoaster.
I had a friend confront me on the issue of my eyebrows this very Spring. After some defensiveness, a few insults etc I relented and let him trim them. It went ok - we found a couple of footballs in there, a Swingball bat, my dear departed granny's false teeth, my Dennis the Menace Fanclub wallet and badge, and a folded up picture of Linda Lusardi.
Then, recently, my barber retired and I switched over to some Russian Jews. I read the stuff about the Turks further up, so I don't know if it's a cultural thing but this lot are absolutely mad for trimming my eyebrows. Every month they want to take a run at them. Last time I was in I tried to reason with the large Russian lady that her colleague had very kindly trimmed them quite a lot last time so maybe they were ok, but I barely got the sentence out before she said "TRIM" and went at them like a wild banshee.
It's all fine I suppose though I do worry that maybe I'll look like Dennis Healey unless this is done with increasing frequency. Plus the eyebrows can act as nature's sweatband so I've lost that functionality to some extent.
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Hair apparent (non QPR) on 19:13 - Jun 8 with 5010 views
Does this shouty septic help for those so moved to mess about down Mexico way? I stopped watching @ 0:30...(itchy beard)
Hollywood A-Lister Julia outrages The Daily Mail
[Post edited 8 Jun 2016 19:21]
'I'm 18 with a bullet.Got my finger on the trigger,I'm gonna pull it.."
Love,Peace and Fook Chelski!
More like 20StoneOfHoop now.
Let's face it I'm not getting any thinner.
Pass the cake and pies please.
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Hair apparent (non QPR) on 19:18 - Jun 8 with 4998 views
Definitely don't razor as hair comes back thicker, I would suggest plucking the eyebrows to get them into shape - unless it's different for girls - I've been doing it for years and the ends of the eyebrows are now non-existent and I have to draw them on - in a tasteful non drag queen style.
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Hair apparent (non QPR) on 19:23 - Jun 8 with 4991 views
Hair apparent (non QPR) on 18:45 - Jun 8 by BklynRanger
I had a friend confront me on the issue of my eyebrows this very Spring. After some defensiveness, a few insults etc I relented and let him trim them. It went ok - we found a couple of footballs in there, a Swingball bat, my dear departed granny's false teeth, my Dennis the Menace Fanclub wallet and badge, and a folded up picture of Linda Lusardi.
Then, recently, my barber retired and I switched over to some Russian Jews. I read the stuff about the Turks further up, so I don't know if it's a cultural thing but this lot are absolutely mad for trimming my eyebrows. Every month they want to take a run at them. Last time I was in I tried to reason with the large Russian lady that her colleague had very kindly trimmed them quite a lot last time so maybe they were ok, but I barely got the sentence out before she said "TRIM" and went at them like a wild banshee.
It's all fine I suppose though I do worry that maybe I'll look like Dennis Healey unless this is done with increasing frequency. Plus the eyebrows can act as nature's sweatband so I've lost that functionality to some extent.
Ladies getting their eyebrows tattoed seems to be in vogue these days. I guess if a chap gets this done, then he can simply scrape off the real hair completely every time he has a shave.
100% of people who drink water will die.
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Hair apparent (non QPR) on 20:24 - Jun 8 with 4943 views
Hair apparent (non QPR) on 13:59 - Jun 8 by Mytch_QPR
I have got a terrible confession to make (this is a good place to do it and it won't be the most embarrassing thing to be posted): a few years ago I had the idea that the old arse crack was a bit busy on the hair front so whilst idly sitting in the bath I grabbed my razor and had a quick scrape (so to speak) - without the aid of a mirror, or shaving gel for that matter. Initially - no major issues. Within a couple of days, major itching.
I confessed this to a couple of mates in a Chinese in Brum before the Villa game a few years back and they nearly choked on their noodles. Honestly, I don't know what's happened to the new 'sensitive man'...
Edit: Can any other poster please confirm / admit to such male grooming habits(?) - just to reassure me that I'm not completely weird. (I can handle just being plain and simple weird).
[Post edited 8 Jun 2016 14:02]
I can admit to tidying up the arse crack but used the sideburns trimmer on the electric razor, wouldn't go near it with a razor though.
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Hair apparent (non QPR) on 22:36 - Jun 8 with 4904 views
Quite lucky in that I only suffer from a couple of freak eye brow hairs that grow quicker than weeds.
Back all clear, chest going a bit grey, arse and crack fairly clear and defo not in the grooming range. One freaky thing is that like my father, I have almost hairless legs; to the extent that someone asked if I shave them for cycling?
So apart from my bald legs, minimal body hair apart from the chest, i just take a trimmer to the nasal area and also keep downstairs 'tidy'. The latter started after a hernia op left me with a bad combover look which needed tidying and I got used to less down there; not a Hollywood, just a quick tidy up.
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Hair apparent (non QPR) on 22:44 - Jun 8 with 4898 views
Used.to go to the Turkish barber in Chertsey, flaming ears is great, get my hair cut in Bracknell now and all the do is my hair and eyebrows, do suffer from rope hanging out my nose from time to time, bought one of those battery operated trimmer thingys off amazon but its sbit. Konk what's with the armpit shaving,never known a bloke to do that!!
favourite cheese mature Cheddar. FFS there is no such thing as the EPL
I shave the hairs on my ears once a week and during dull moments at the office have a rummage in the nostrils to tug out the ships chains and as for the eyebrows my hairdresser recently voluntarily decided to start trimming them although I also suffer from that one rouge white iron clad hair that grows over night. That is all that I bother with but for those of you that dare to venture for the more intimate parts may I take this opportunity to allow you to revisit Veet for Men:
All this hairy arse talk reminded me of this joke..
A bear was in the woods doing a shit,as they do. While he was doing a shit a rabbit hopped next to him and started doing a shit. The bear looked down at the rabbit and asked " just wondering but does shit stick to your fur??" The rabbit looked up at the bear and replied " well as you asked, yes it does". The bear stood up, picked the rabbit up ....and wiped his arse with it.
Apologies to anyone who finds the use of rabbits to wiping arses offensive.
[Post edited 9 Jun 2016 6:44]
Occasional providers of half decent House music.
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Hair apparent (non QPR) on 08:22 - Jun 9 with 4777 views
I shave the hairs on my ears once a week and during dull moments at the office have a rummage in the nostrils to tug out the ships chains and as for the eyebrows my hairdresser recently voluntarily decided to start trimming them although I also suffer from that one rouge white iron clad hair that grows over night. That is all that I bother with but for those of you that dare to venture for the more intimate parts may I take this opportunity to allow you to revisit Veet for Men:
Hair apparent (non QPR) on 22:44 - Jun 8 by loftboy
Used.to go to the Turkish barber in Chertsey, flaming ears is great, get my hair cut in Bracknell now and all the do is my hair and eyebrows, do suffer from rope hanging out my nose from time to time, bought one of those battery operated trimmer thingys off amazon but its sbit. Konk what's with the armpit shaving,never known a bloke to do that!!
Honestly, it’s the way forward; I’ve got a few mates who do it now. Roll-on or stick deodorant would either end up on my clothes or just sit in my armpit hair, meaning that as soon as my arms were by my side, my top would get damp marks under the pits. This avoids all of that — I can now wear light blue/grey tops without worrying about any marks. Stops clothes staining and going crusty too. If I have the time, I’ll blow dry my pits for a few seconds too, to make everything super dry. Apply deodorant, give it a few minutes to dry, bang your top on; happy days. Give it a whirl.
Fulham FC: It's the taking part that counts
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Hair apparent (non QPR) on 08:53 - Jun 9 with 4475 views
Honestly, it’s the way forward; I’ve got a few mates who do it now. Roll-on or stick deodorant would either end up on my clothes or just sit in my armpit hair, meaning that as soon as my arms were by my side, my top would get damp marks under the pits. This avoids all of that — I can now wear light blue/grey tops without worrying about any marks. Stops clothes staining and going crusty too. If I have the time, I’ll blow dry my pits for a few seconds too, to make everything super dry. Apply deodorant, give it a few minutes to dry, bang your top on; happy days. Give it a whirl.
You're starting to sound like an advert now - I can just see you popping your Fulham shirt on whilst the voice over says: "This avoids all of that — I can now wear light blue/grey tops without worrying about any marks. Stops clothes staining and going crusty too"
The advert ends with you raising your arms aloft at another great McCormack goal and the camera pans in on the super-white armpit area. You need to get something trademarked - and fast.
"Thank you for supporting Queens Park Rangers Steep Staircase"... and I thought I'd signed up for a rollercoaster.
Classic 1970's tv advert "I liked the product so much I bought the company!" Authentic honesty or what? BTW Loftboy's right; the Remington ear and nose trimmer is pony. #JustDontWork
Fulham's Johnny Haynes secured his hair famously with Brylcreem,of course. He'd do just about anything for a few extra bob.
'I'm 18 with a bullet.Got my finger on the trigger,I'm gonna pull it.."
Love,Peace and Fook Chelski!
More like 20StoneOfHoop now.
Let's face it I'm not getting any thinner.
Pass the cake and pies please.
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Hair apparent (non QPR) on 10:33 - Jun 9 with 4415 views
Hair apparent (non QPR) on 17:15 - Jun 8 by SimonJames
Either it's the pollen count, or the idea of hot wax on my meat and two veg is causing my eyes to water.
You bunch of great raving metrosexuals.
I go as far as shaving the back my neck, plucking ear hairs in the lift in my block (unforgiving lighting), nose hairs during staff meetings (it's what they're for) and that's it. My eyebrows are a good substitute for sunglasses, which i increasingly often sit on or lose anyway.
The correct answer to "How would you like your hair done Sir?" is of course "In silence". It's improtant to get the relationship right from the get-go.
And. go to 1:55...
A magnificent football club, the love of our lives, finding a way to finally have its day in the sun.
Honestly, it’s the way forward; I’ve got a few mates who do it now. Roll-on or stick deodorant would either end up on my clothes or just sit in my armpit hair, meaning that as soon as my arms were by my side, my top would get damp marks under the pits. This avoids all of that — I can now wear light blue/grey tops without worrying about any marks. Stops clothes staining and going crusty too. If I have the time, I’ll blow dry my pits for a few seconds too, to make everything super dry. Apply deodorant, give it a few minutes to dry, bang your top on; happy days. Give it a whirl.
Konk, are you Fat Frank in disguise?
I seem to recall him being particularly hair free including the pits. For me that would be a step too far but i'm also lucky not to have sweaty pits to worry about.
as for the Veet reviews; the guy that ends up sat in a tub of ice cream is my favourite.
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Hair apparent (non QPR) on 15:02 - Jun 9 with 4319 views
Hair apparent (non QPR) on 13:35 - Jun 9 by westberksr
Konk, are you Fat Frank in disguise?
I seem to recall him being particularly hair free including the pits. For me that would be a step too far but i'm also lucky not to have sweaty pits to worry about.
as for the Veet reviews; the guy that ends up sat in a tub of ice cream is my favourite.
I'm definitely not Frank Lampard. I know this for a fact because I have about £300 in the bank and I don't get paid for two weeks. But considering I have a full, thick head of hair, I am strangely hair free when it comes to my torso and limbs (although I think my pubic area's pretty average in terms of coverage and density).
Fulham FC: It's the taking part that counts
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Hair apparent (non QPR) on 16:15 - Jun 9 with 4282 views
Hair apparent (non QPR) on 15:29 - Jun 8 by Mytch_QPR
It should be straightforward but it isn't. There seems to be a need for the barber / stylist to have a conversation (albeit utterly mindless) - as though they have a morbid fear of the sound of scissors. The women always ask either (a) doing anything interesting this weekend? or (b) have you booked your holidays yet?
The problem is that all of the people waiting behind you get to hear about it all. I'm generally quite a private person when I'm not explaining the benefits of bum crack shaving or the disadvantages of ripping surgical tape off my nips.
The last woman who did my rug had pink hair and some interesting piercings. I felt old, jaded and uninteresting so I ordered some DM shoes with leopard prints to try to compensate for my inadequacies. I haven't worn them yet.
£11k is quite a good guess for the Audi, by the way.
There was a woman barber on Kilburn High Rd who just giggled at anything you'd say while giving your head a good massage with her tits. Fcking rotten cutter but tipped a fortune.
During my early 40s, it became transparent to me why I lost my head hair in my early 30s. The hair production factory was merely diverting all the follicles in the direction of every other orifice and appendage of my body. Fortunately having never been blessed with good looks, going bald for me has never been a problem, I was already married and punching above my weight and in fact what hair I ever had on my head was lank and greasy most of the time and I am better off without it.
Mytch - The age old sack and crack and pubes problem has always been and will continue to be treated with intermittent bouts of genital and anal husbandry because otherwise it is like walking around wearing a pair of gorse bush underwear.
Konk, don't worry I am with you on the armpit hair thing as yes, every so often it has to be brought under control during the summer months to avoid the dreaded armpit death rash that once it takes hold is a biatch to get rid of.
However, with regards ear hair - there is no need for electrical or manual device intervention as there is nothing more satisfying than that little tug and "pop" as a particularly wiry but stubby one is removed twixt thumb and middle finger.
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